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Memorize This Stuff!!

Honorable Chief, Exalted Senior Chief, Illustrious Master Chief (Your Nineness) may I have the priviledge of introducing my humble self? I am E7 Duhaime, I have been selected to become a member of the ahllowed fraternity of Chief Petty Officer of the United..SCG.
Whereas, honorable one, I am not yet wise enough to be called a Chief. I ask of you and your brothers and sisters to indulge me with the teachings from your vast storehouse of knowledge on all worldly things...
so that I may be mentally prepared to walk near your side in the future. Would you please, honorable one, do me the honor of making an entry into my "Charge Book?"
Bullet #1 The Judge is a candy ass!
Bullet #2 If brains were dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to load a firecracker!
Bullet #3 If bullshit were electricity, I'd make the Hoover Dam look like a battery!
Bullet #4 If I can't hack it as a Chief, I'll submit my chit for OCS!
Bullet #5 All Master Chiefs are hemorrhoids!
Bullet #6 The CMC can suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
Bullet #7 My sponsor is an asshole!
Bullet #8 Warrant Officers couldn't hack it as a Chief.
Bullet #9 All Senior Chiefs wear depends!
Bullet #10 The jury is full of liars!
"What time is it?" Due to the fallacious nature of my chronometer and the inability of my cerebrum to function in the manner of an august CPO, I am unable to ascertain
"Time?"... I am unable to ascertain the correct time to a punctilious degree. However, it is my opinion that the appx military time is _______ hours.
"How high is up?" Up is equal to the amplitude, but in the opposite direction to the delineation of down and is used in such phrases as, Go piss up a rope, up your ass, and you're all hosed up, Chief.
"How long have you been in the Coast Guard?" POPEYE:All me bloomin life Chief! Me mudder was a mermaind, me fadder was King Neptune. I was borne on the crest of a wave and rocked in the cradle of the deep.
"How long?"... in the cradle of the deep. Barnacle and kelp is me cloths, seaweed is me hair. Every bone in me body is pure sugar and when I spits, I spits pure tar! I is tough, I is, I am, I are! Grrrrrr!
"How smart is a Boot Chief? Bend over, hands on knees: "About as smart as the pimple on me butt!"
"What is the lowest thing on earth?" A Boot Chief is the lowest thing on earth. He is lower than a whale's midnight soil that resides in the abyss of the deepest ocean!
Created by: aduhaime
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