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Creative Writing
Lesson 5- Showing and Telling
Question | Answer |
---|---|
Even with his good throwing arm and his big ego (1), Adam couldn't throw a rock across the river. | This description reveals character by showing us something about a character. Good. |
It was just too wide, made up, as it was, of three tributaries, each a good-sized river in its own right (2). | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
When they came together up the canyon, they formed a powerful and tumultuous stream filled with dark whirlpools swirling around massive boulders (3). | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
A quarter mile above the mill, the torrent raged in one final, steep rush of white, frothy turbulence (4) that always scared me to look down at when we drove above it on the silver highway bridge. | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
After this last wild surge, the river entered our valley, tamed but still wide and deep and strong (5). | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
The three rivers were named the Pontiac, the James, and the Scout (6). | Sounds like too much description that doesn't contribute to the story. Not good. |
Adam had picked his way across the logs, pausing now and then to fling one of the rocks he carried (7). | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
I had sat down on a log to watch (8). | Sounds like too much description that doesn't contribute to the story. Not good. |
The further out he got, the less stable the logs were and the more they rocked and bounced with his steps (9). | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
Most people would have stopped by then, but Adam wasn't like most people (10). | This description reveals character by showing us something about a character. Good. |
Its crown had driven in under the other logs when it had roared in like a runaway torpedo last spring at high water. The roots still poked out into the stream, where they quivered and swayed under the constant pressure of the water tearing at them (11). | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
Adam was going to try for those roots, the farthest possible point he could get to, to make his last throw. I didn't see how he could possibly make it, but he knew the chances of that as well as I did--and you couldn't tell Adam anything (12). | This description reveals character by showing us something about a character. Good. |
But the bad thing is that the lower trunk of a fir tree doesn't have any branches (13), and Adam had a final fifteen feet or so to traverse with no hand holds. | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
He edged along sideways, floating his arms in the air for balance, looking my way now and then and smirking (14). | This description reveals character by showing us something about a character. Good. |
But when he came to a patch where a whole section of bark had been ripped away in the tumble down the river, the curved, yellow-white wood looked as sheer and smooth as wet marble (15). | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
The bare patch was three or four feet long, and Adam was sliding sideways an inch at a time (16), like a man being urged off a gangplank by little jabs with a sword to increase his interest in going. | This description moves the plot forward by telling us something about the action that we need to know. Good. |
As he went under, the rocks he'd held in his hands came splashing down around his head like spent bullets. I caught a glimpse of the startled look on his face, his confidence momentarily gone (17). | This description reveals character by showing us something about a character. Good. |
"showing" or "telling." K.C. pointed downstream without saying a word. I looked at where he was pointing and was startled at what I saw. (18) | Showing |
"showing" or "telling." There were six of them spaced evenly across the river, and they stuck up out of the water four or five feet. (19) | Telling |
"showing" or "telling." I can hear it," Danny said. I listened and could barely make it out--the distant, muffled sound of water, tons of water, dropping over the top of the dam. "Oh, man." (20) | Showing |
"showing" or "telling." I looked at my hands, and they were shaking. (21) | Telling |
"showing" or "telling." My voice sounded thin and high. (22) | Showing |
"showing" or "telling." I looked down into the dark green water and tried not to think. (23) | Showing |
"showing" or "telling." We were far enough from shore that, from this viewpoint, we seemed to be almost sitting still in the middle of a smooth lake. (24) | Showing |
"showing" or "telling." How strange that just a few minutes before, lying on the hot sand, I'd thought this was the perfect day. (25) | Telling |