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FBI
FBI Interpersonal skills
Question | Answer |
---|---|
The key to making you truly enjoy my company and seek to spend more time with me all the way up to influencing you to take the actions I want you to take is to... | make it "all about you." |
Insecurity is... | easy to spot. |
Most human beings assess new people for... | threat before anything else. |
Nonverbal matching can be used effectively if... | done lightly and in non-obvious ways. |
Technique 1: Establishing artificial time constraints | I allow you to feel that there is an end in sight "I'm about to leave." Lowers perception of threat |
Technique 2: Accommodating nonverbals | I ensure both my body language as well as my voice is non-threatening. body at slight angle, or bladed away |
The no. 1 verbal technique you should utilize to look more accommodating is... | smiling. Add a slight head tilt and lower chin angle. |
An accommodating handshake... | matches strength, and takes a more palm-up angle. |
Technique 3: Slower rate of speech | I don't oversell or talk too fast. Speaking slowly and clearly sounds more credible than speaking clearly. |
Technique 4: Sympathy or assistance theme - Making... | You are genetically coded to provide assistance and help. It also appeals to your ego that you may know more than me. "light", easy, non-threatening requests |
It is vitally important not to give the impression that... | I have a romantic agenda. |
Non-romantic theme: | Doing something special for girlfriend (e.g. buying her the same boots) |
Third party reference: | Topic used to initiate that isn't too personal about the individual (e.g. nothing sweet at this buffet) |
Technique 5: Ego suspension - I don't... | build myself up. I build you up. Putting your wants, needs, and perceptions of reality ahead of my own |
Human beings are genetically coded to be... | self-centered or egocentric. |
Practicing good ego suspension means continuing encouraging... | you to talk about your story, neglecting my own need to share what I think is a great story. |
Those individuals who allow others to continue talking without taking their own turn... | are generally regarded as the best conversationalists. |
Technique 6: Validate others - You crave... | to be accepted and liked |
Validation technique 1: Listening | Stop talking. Listen. |
The difficulty in listening is... | keeping for interjecting my own thoughts, ideas and stories. |
If I am properly validating and suspending my ego, you won't... | ask me any questions, and if you do you're simply trying to be polite. |
Individuals simply want to... | talk and be listened to. |
When I'm not anxious to tell my own story, I... | listen and hear better, and tend to remember details that I otherwise would not. |
The number one thing not to do is... | take out a cell phone. It demonstrates there are many things more important than you. |
Validation technique 2: Thoughtfulness | I show interest in your well-being. |
Validation technique 3: Thoughts and opinions | You naturally make connections with people who think like you do. |
One of the most effective methods for getting you to do what I want is to first understand your point of view, then... | build upon it with my ideas. |
Technique 7: Ask...How? When? Why? | I dig deep and find out what you're willing to talk about. Open-ended questions Require more words and thought I utilize the content you give and ask more open-ended questions You supply the content |
Threading the conversation: | Introducing a line of conversation from the original based upon the first |
If an answer is quick and short... | I do not pursue it any longer. |
If an answer is a bit longer... | I have something to work with. |
It's truly remarkable the things people will share ... | when given the opportunity. |
Minimal encouragers: | head nods Uh huh Yes I understand |
Reflective questioning: | Restating what you just said, but as a question "He didn't have much respect for you?" You're compelled to elaborate more. |
Mentoring and teaching: | Humans want to do it. |
Emotional labeling: | When you're displaying a great deal of emotion, I label it to discover the cause. |
Most people would rather tell... | their own stories than listen to yours. |
Paraphrasing: | Demonstrates I'm paying attention Helps me remember |
You've gotten so used to people not giving you their full attention that when I do, it's... | the cheapest gift and rapport-builder on earth. |
Pauses: | to think about what I want to say next to create a slightly awkward silence that hopefully you'll want to fill with your own content |
Summary: | At the end of a conversation To paraphrase To demonstrate I was listening To help me remember To eliminate confusion To be clear about content, obligations, commitments made |
Human beings are constantly exploring whether... | they are being accepted for who they are. |
I do not expect... | reciprocity in the form of asking about me or what I do or about things I think make me great. |
Technique 8: Connect with quid pro quo | I allow you to feel comfortable by giving a little about myself. I don't overdo it. |
You're introverted, guarded or both: | I try quid pro quo - tell you a little something about myself. |
You've become very aware of how much you've been speaking, and you suddenly feel awkward: | I try quid pro quo - tell you a little something about myself. |
You've been speaking about yourself for 15 min: | I try quid pro quo - tell you a little something about myself. |
Technique 9: Gift giving (reciprocal altruism) | I give a gift, either intangible or material , and seek a conversation and rapport in return. Human beings in general have a compulsion to reciprocate gifts given |
Non-material gift: | The gift of focus |
Material gifts: | breath mints hand sanitizer trinkets |
Technique 10: Manage expectations | I manage my expectations before an encounter and ensure the conversation is for your benefit and not mine. Reduces the potential disappointment Lowers my anxiety |
Every conversation or engagement with another human being... | has an agenda. |
Individuals who are able to mask... | their agenda or shift the agenda to something altruistic will have great success in building rapport. |
Unrealistic expectation: | You are interested in me or my stories. |
One everlasting rule: You should... | walk away feeling much better for having met me. I should brighten your day when no one else will. I build a connection where others wouldn't. |
I must keep these skills... | sharp with everyday practice. |