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FBI

FBI Interpersonal skills

QuestionAnswer
The key to making you truly enjoy my company and seek to spend more time with me all the way up to influencing you to take the actions I want you to take is to... make it "all about you."
Insecurity is... easy to spot.
Most human beings assess new people for... threat before anything else.
Nonverbal matching can be used effectively if... done lightly and in non-obvious ways.
Technique 1: Establishing artificial time constraints I allow you to feel that there is an end in sight "I'm about to leave." Lowers perception of threat
Technique 2: Accommodating nonverbals I ensure both my body language as well as my voice is non-threatening. body at slight angle, or bladed away
The no. 1 verbal technique you should utilize to look more accommodating is... smiling. Add a slight head tilt and lower chin angle.
An accommodating handshake... matches strength, and takes a more palm-up angle.
Technique 3: Slower rate of speech I don't oversell or talk too fast. Speaking slowly and clearly sounds more credible than speaking clearly.
Technique 4: Sympathy or assistance theme - Making... You are genetically coded to provide assistance and help. It also appeals to your ego that you may know more than me. "light", easy, non-threatening requests
It is vitally important not to give the impression that... I have a romantic agenda.
Non-romantic theme: Doing something special for girlfriend (e.g. buying her the same boots)
Third party reference: Topic used to initiate that isn't too personal about the individual (e.g. nothing sweet at this buffet)
Technique 5: Ego suspension - I don't... build myself up. I build you up. Putting your wants, needs, and perceptions of reality ahead of my own
Human beings are genetically coded to be... self-centered or egocentric.
Practicing good ego suspension means continuing encouraging... you to talk about your story, neglecting my own need to share what I think is a great story.
Those individuals who allow others to continue talking without taking their own turn... are generally regarded as the best conversationalists.
Technique 6: Validate others - You crave... to be accepted and liked
Validation technique 1: Listening Stop talking. Listen.
The difficulty in listening is... keeping for interjecting my own thoughts, ideas and stories.
If I am properly validating and suspending my ego, you won't... ask me any questions, and if you do you're simply trying to be polite.
Individuals simply want to... talk and be listened to.
When I'm not anxious to tell my own story, I... listen and hear better, and tend to remember details that I otherwise would not.
The number one thing not to do is... take out a cell phone. It demonstrates there are many things more important than you.
Validation technique 2: Thoughtfulness I show interest in your well-being.
Validation technique 3: Thoughts and opinions You naturally make connections with people who think like you do.
One of the most effective methods for getting you to do what I want is to first understand your point of view, then... build upon it with my ideas.
Technique 7: Ask...How? When? Why? I dig deep and find out what you're willing to talk about. Open-ended questions Require more words and thought I utilize the content you give and ask more open-ended questions You supply the content
Threading the conversation: Introducing a line of conversation from the original based upon the first
If an answer is quick and short... I do not pursue it any longer.
If an answer is a bit longer... I have something to work with.
It's truly remarkable the things people will share ... when given the opportunity.
Minimal encouragers: head nods Uh huh Yes I understand
Reflective questioning: Restating what you just said, but as a question "He didn't have much respect for you?" You're compelled to elaborate more.
Mentoring and teaching: Humans want to do it.
Emotional labeling: When you're displaying a great deal of emotion, I label it to discover the cause.
Most people would rather tell... their own stories than listen to yours.
Paraphrasing: Demonstrates I'm paying attention Helps me remember
You've gotten so used to people not giving you their full attention that when I do, it's... the cheapest gift and rapport-builder on earth.
Pauses: to think about what I want to say next to create a slightly awkward silence that hopefully you'll want to fill with your own content
Summary: At the end of a conversation To paraphrase To demonstrate I was listening To help me remember To eliminate confusion To be clear about content, obligations, commitments made
Human beings are constantly exploring whether... they are being accepted for who they are.
I do not expect... reciprocity in the form of asking about me or what I do or about things I think make me great.
Technique 8: Connect with quid pro quo I allow you to feel comfortable by giving a little about myself. I don't overdo it.
You're introverted, guarded or both: I try quid pro quo - tell you a little something about myself.
You've become very aware of how much you've been speaking, and you suddenly feel awkward: I try quid pro quo - tell you a little something about myself.
You've been speaking about yourself for 15 min: I try quid pro quo - tell you a little something about myself.
Technique 9: Gift giving (reciprocal altruism) I give a gift, either intangible or material , and seek a conversation and rapport in return. Human beings in general have a compulsion to reciprocate gifts given
Non-material gift: The gift of focus
Material gifts: breath mints hand sanitizer trinkets
Technique 10: Manage expectations I manage my expectations before an encounter and ensure the conversation is for your benefit and not mine. Reduces the potential disappointment Lowers my anxiety
Every conversation or engagement with another human being... has an agenda.
Individuals who are able to mask... their agenda or shift the agenda to something altruistic will have great success in building rapport.
Unrealistic expectation: You are interested in me or my stories.
One everlasting rule: You should... walk away feeling much better for having met me. I should brighten your day when no one else will. I build a connection where others wouldn't.
I must keep these skills... sharp with everyday practice.
Created by: emazuy123
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