| Question | Answer |
| Mind set of appreciation involves three things | 1-I appreciate your situation#
2-I appreciate you#
3-things appreciate in value# |
| Mindfulness in Communication (3) | 1-see value - what is working?#
2-see the useful - what is positive or desirable#
3-speak in ways that support 1 & 2# |
| Humanistic Model (5) | 1-openess#
2-empathy#
3-supportiveness#
4-positivness#
5-equality# |
| Openess | bilateral/reciprocal#
ability to react honestly to messages#
owning of thoughts and feelings# |
| Empathy | to feel and experience from another's viewpoint |
| Supportiveness | Description vs Judgement#
describe waht happened - don't evaluate#
describe hos you feel - don't blame#
explain how this relates to the other person#
#
Professionalism vs Certainty#
openminded attitude#
open acknowledgement vs silence# |
| Equality | give each other unconditional positive regard vs acting in a superior way#
share speaking and listening - show respect - take turns
solving problems vs winning# |
| Creation & Communication of Meaning (8) | int. natural acts #
perceptions & cognition = schematic#
begin in emotional centres of brain#
out of conscious control#
auto. fast & certain#
hi prob. of being inaccuracy#
ext. natural acts = int. expressions#
self-protective, judgemental & control |
| To be truly effective in complex situations we need to perform _____ ____-_____ | Emotional self-management |
| The voice of emotional self-management is: | the "Adult" voice |
| Adult voice phrases (3)
(words/tone/non-verbals) | This is how I see it, how I understand it...(Controlled/calm) + open posture + eye contact
I understand, I feel, I believe...(Correspond to feelings) + relaxed
Let's see what we can do...(Confident) +smile/nod |
| Change "hot" reactions to "cool" reactions (7) | anger --> annoyance/irritation#
despair --> sadness#
remorse --> regret#
self-loathing -->self-disappointment#
severe hurt --> mild bruising#
anxiety -->concern# |
| How to avoid an amygdala hi jack | BREATHE ~ from the diaphragm#
change feelings from "hot" to "cool"#
slow heart rate (+100 = emotional hi jack)#
relax muscles#
find your adult voice (calm, centred & engaged)# |
| We do not respond effectively to others when we feel __________ | challenged |
| Our natural responses are __________, __________ and ___________ | automatic, over-learned and unconscious |
| To be conscious and manage our reactions is __________ | unnatural |
| A meta-communicator is ______ and __________ | mindful and flexible |
| Effective communication | getting and giving truthful, accurate, relevant and understandable information to make informed choices and act from commitment not coercion |
| 3Qs in Effective Communication | What's going on?#
Who am I to you? Who are you to me?#
What's going to happen next?# |
| One of the strongest drives of humans is the need to be/feel _____ | right |
| Our "line" and "face" in discussion | we take a 'line' & express our views = pattern of verbal +nonverbal acts - evaluate others + selves - line supports 'face' |
| Face & Feelings | face is taken for granted & feelings not noticed#
face better than expected = feel good#
face less than expected = feel bad/hurt#
uncontrolled/unpredictable behaviour = loss of face #(embarrassment/pain/humiliation)# |
| Face is not a choice - the axioms | is an exchange of 'selves'#
cannot not happen#
cannot be taken back#
always mixed messages - content/relationship#
always mixed media - verbal/nonverbal# |
| Connect Talk (review) | ritual connection & small talk #
demonstrates comns competence# |
| CONTROL talk (review) | Critical (I'm right-you're wrong) - light#
Offer new info (argue/teach/preach/) - light#
Negotiate change (they acquiesce to you) - light#
*Terminate/try again/take it personally#
Righteous anger - heavy#
Overt aggression - heavy#
Laying blame - hea |
| DIALOGUE talk (review) | Descriptive language#
I-messages#
Appreciative questions#
Listen actively#
Open acknowledgement#
Genuine support#
Understand first ***#
Emotional self-managment# |
| Communication Competence | Knowing rules of interaction#
Shared understanding of what comns means & what behaviour is appropriate#
Forms of address# |
| The Context (review) | The environment in which communication occurs that influences the #content and form of communication# |
| Context & rules | close space - more personal msgs#
more intimate - more affection#
hi status receiver - humble sender#
listener highly ego involved - complimentary msgs#
listener attitude central - serious#
speaker role clear - consistent# |
| Rule-breaking | apologies#
disclaimers#
-hedging "I am no expert but..."#
-credentialing "Some of my best friends are ..."#
-cognitive " I know this sounds crazy ..."#
-appeal "Just hear me out for a second..."# |
| Small tak is vital | exchange of emotional information#
develops relationships#
associated with trust#
demanded in some contexts# |
| Types of small talk | ritual talk - greetings/farewells#
procedural talk - shopping/interviews/etc#
pastime talk - social occasions#
gender talk#
Have you ever...?#
Did you know...?# |
| Small talk functions | based on agreement - inclusion#
new/maintains relationships - self disclosure# |
| Small Talk - assumptions and style | basic agreement, no tension, expectations clear#
chatty, sociable, casual#
routine self disclosure #
voice/tone# |
| Emotional Bids - Connect talk initiation | Bid = "I want to connect"#
superficial#
deep#
playfu#l |
| Emotional Bid - responses | Turns toward + reacts = positive response#
Turns against + reacts = negative response#
turns away + ignores = no response# |
| Unrequited Bidding | people are not usually persistent#
if ignored they give up#
even in long term relationships#
ergo frequency of bids matter# |
