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Effective Comns
COMN2311-LECT 13 & 14 Concepts
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| Mind set of appreciation involves three things | 1-I appreciate your situation# 2-I appreciate you# 3-things appreciate in value# |
| Mindfulness in Communication (3) | 1-see value - what is working?# 2-see the useful - what is positive or desirable# 3-speak in ways that support 1 & 2# |
| Humanistic Model (5) | 1-openess# 2-empathy# 3-supportiveness# 4-positivness# 5-equality# |
| Openess | bilateral/reciprocal# ability to react honestly to messages# owning of thoughts and feelings# |
| Empathy | to feel and experience from another's viewpoint |
| Supportiveness | Description vs Judgement# describe waht happened - don't evaluate# describe hos you feel - don't blame# explain how this relates to the other person# # Professionalism vs Certainty# openminded attitude# open acknowledgement vs silence# |
| Equality | give each other unconditional positive regard vs acting in a superior way# share speaking and listening - show respect - take turns solving problems vs winning# |
| Creation & Communication of Meaning (8) | int. natural acts # perceptions & cognition = schematic# begin in emotional centres of brain# out of conscious control# auto. fast & certain# hi prob. of being inaccuracy# ext. natural acts = int. expressions# self-protective, judgemental & control |
| To be truly effective in complex situations we need to perform _____ ____-_____ | Emotional self-management |
| The voice of emotional self-management is: | the "Adult" voice |
| Adult voice phrases (3) (words/tone/non-verbals) | This is how I see it, how I understand it...(Controlled/calm) + open posture + eye contact I understand, I feel, I believe...(Correspond to feelings) + relaxed Let's see what we can do...(Confident) +smile/nod |
| Change "hot" reactions to "cool" reactions (7) | anger --> annoyance/irritation# despair --> sadness# remorse --> regret# self-loathing -->self-disappointment# severe hurt --> mild bruising# anxiety -->concern# |
| How to avoid an amygdala hi jack | BREATHE ~ from the diaphragm# change feelings from "hot" to "cool"# slow heart rate (+100 = emotional hi jack)# relax muscles# find your adult voice (calm, centred & engaged)# |
| We do not respond effectively to others when we feel __________ | challenged |
| Our natural responses are __________, __________ and ___________ | automatic, over-learned and unconscious |
| To be conscious and manage our reactions is __________ | unnatural |
| A meta-communicator is ______ and __________ | mindful and flexible |
| Effective communication | getting and giving truthful, accurate, relevant and understandable information to make informed choices and act from commitment not coercion |
| 3Qs in Effective Communication | What's going on?# Who am I to you? Who are you to me?# What's going to happen next?# |
| One of the strongest drives of humans is the need to be/feel _____ | right |
| Our "line" and "face" in discussion | we take a 'line' & express our views = pattern of verbal +nonverbal acts - evaluate others + selves - line supports 'face' |
| Face & Feelings | face is taken for granted & feelings not noticed# face better than expected = feel good# face less than expected = feel bad/hurt# uncontrolled/unpredictable behaviour = loss of face #(embarrassment/pain/humiliation)# |
| Face is not a choice - the axioms | is an exchange of 'selves'# cannot not happen# cannot be taken back# always mixed messages - content/relationship# always mixed media - verbal/nonverbal# |
| Connect Talk (review) | ritual connection & small talk # demonstrates comns competence# |
| CONTROL talk (review) | Critical (I'm right-you're wrong) - light# Offer new info (argue/teach/preach/) - light# Negotiate change (they acquiesce to you) - light# *Terminate/try again/take it personally# Righteous anger - heavy# Overt aggression - heavy# Laying blame - hea |
| DIALOGUE talk (review) | Descriptive language# I-messages# Appreciative questions# Listen actively# Open acknowledgement# Genuine support# Understand first ***# Emotional self-managment# |
| Communication Competence | Knowing rules of interaction# Shared understanding of what comns means & what behaviour is appropriate# Forms of address# |
| The Context (review) | The environment in which communication occurs that influences the #content and form of communication# |
| Context & rules | close space - more personal msgs# more intimate - more affection# hi status receiver - humble sender# listener highly ego involved - complimentary msgs# listener attitude central - serious# speaker role clear - consistent# |
| Rule-breaking | apologies# disclaimers# -hedging "I am no expert but..."# -credentialing "Some of my best friends are ..."# -cognitive " I know this sounds crazy ..."# -appeal "Just hear me out for a second..."# |
| Small tak is vital | exchange of emotional information# develops relationships# associated with trust# demanded in some contexts# |
| Types of small talk | ritual talk - greetings/farewells# procedural talk - shopping/interviews/etc# pastime talk - social occasions# gender talk# Have you ever...?# Did you know...?# |
| Small talk functions | based on agreement - inclusion# new/maintains relationships - self disclosure# |
| Small Talk - assumptions and style | basic agreement, no tension, expectations clear# chatty, sociable, casual# routine self disclosure # voice/tone# |
| Emotional Bids - Connect talk initiation | Bid = "I want to connect"# superficial# deep# playfu#l |
| Emotional Bid - responses | Turns toward + reacts = positive response# Turns against + reacts = negative response# turns away + ignores = no response# |
| Unrequited Bidding | people are not usually persistent# if ignored they give up# even in long term relationships# ergo frequency of bids matter# |
Created by:
elle99
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