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Effective Comns

COMN2311-LECT 13 & 14 Concepts

QuestionAnswer
Mind set of appreciation involves three things 1-I appreciate your situation# 2-I appreciate you# 3-things appreciate in value#
Mindfulness in Communication (3) 1-see value - what is working?# 2-see the useful - what is positive or desirable# 3-speak in ways that support 1 & 2#
Humanistic Model (5) 1-openess# 2-empathy# 3-supportiveness# 4-positivness# 5-equality#
Openess bilateral/reciprocal# ability to react honestly to messages# owning of thoughts and feelings#
Empathy to feel and experience from another's viewpoint
Supportiveness Description vs Judgement# describe waht happened - don't evaluate# describe hos you feel - don't blame# explain how this relates to the other person# # Professionalism vs Certainty# openminded attitude# open acknowledgement vs silence#
Equality give each other unconditional positive regard vs acting in a superior way# share speaking and listening - show respect - take turns solving problems vs winning#
Creation & Communication of Meaning (8) int. natural acts # perceptions & cognition = schematic# begin in emotional centres of brain# out of conscious control# auto. fast & certain# hi prob. of being inaccuracy# ext. natural acts = int. expressions# self-protective, judgemental & control
To be truly effective in complex situations we need to perform _____ ____-_____ Emotional self-management
The voice of emotional self-management is: the "Adult" voice
Adult voice phrases (3) (words/tone/non-verbals) This is how I see it, how I understand it...(Controlled/calm) + open posture + eye contact I understand, I feel, I believe...(Correspond to feelings) + relaxed Let's see what we can do...(Confident) +smile/nod
Change "hot" reactions to "cool" reactions (7) anger --> annoyance/irritation# despair --> sadness# remorse --> regret# self-loathing -->self-disappointment# severe hurt --> mild bruising# anxiety -->concern#
How to avoid an amygdala hi jack BREATHE ~ from the diaphragm# change feelings from "hot" to "cool"# slow heart rate (+100 = emotional hi jack)# relax muscles# find your adult voice (calm, centred & engaged)#
We do not respond effectively to others when we feel __________ challenged
Our natural responses are __________, __________ and ___________ automatic, over-learned and unconscious
To be conscious and manage our reactions is __________ unnatural
A meta-communicator is ______ and __________ mindful and flexible
Effective communication getting and giving truthful, accurate, relevant and understandable information to make informed choices and act from commitment not coercion
3Qs in Effective Communication What's going on?# Who am I to you? Who are you to me?# What's going to happen next?#
One of the strongest drives of humans is the need to be/feel _____ right
Our "line" and "face" in discussion we take a 'line' & express our views = pattern of verbal +nonverbal acts - evaluate others + selves - line supports 'face'
Face & Feelings face is taken for granted & feelings not noticed# face better than expected = feel good# face less than expected = feel bad/hurt# uncontrolled/unpredictable behaviour = loss of face #(embarrassment/pain/humiliation)#
Face is not a choice - the axioms is an exchange of 'selves'# cannot not happen# cannot be taken back# always mixed messages - content/relationship# always mixed media - verbal/nonverbal#
Connect Talk (review) ritual connection & small talk # demonstrates comns competence#
CONTROL talk (review) Critical (I'm right-you're wrong) - light# Offer new info (argue/teach/preach/) - light# Negotiate change (they acquiesce to you) - light# *Terminate/try again/take it personally# Righteous anger - heavy# Overt aggression - heavy# Laying blame - hea
DIALOGUE talk (review) Descriptive language# I-messages# Appreciative questions# Listen actively# Open acknowledgement# Genuine support# Understand first ***# Emotional self-managment#
Communication Competence Knowing rules of interaction# Shared understanding of what comns means & what behaviour is appropriate# Forms of address#
The Context (review) The environment in which communication occurs that influences the #content and form of communication#
Context & rules close space - more personal msgs# more intimate - more affection# hi status receiver - humble sender# listener highly ego involved - complimentary msgs# listener attitude central - serious# speaker role clear - consistent#
Rule-breaking apologies# disclaimers# -hedging "I am no expert but..."# -credentialing "Some of my best friends are ..."# -cognitive " I know this sounds crazy ..."# -appeal "Just hear me out for a second..."#
Small tak is vital exchange of emotional information# develops relationships# associated with trust# demanded in some contexts#
Types of small talk ritual talk - greetings/farewells# procedural talk - shopping/interviews/etc# pastime talk - social occasions# gender talk# Have you ever...?# Did you know...?#
Small talk functions based on agreement - inclusion# new/maintains relationships - self disclosure#
Small Talk - assumptions and style basic agreement, no tension, expectations clear# chatty, sociable, casual# routine self disclosure # voice/tone#
Emotional Bids - Connect talk initiation Bid = "I want to connect"# superficial# deep# playfu#l
Emotional Bid - responses Turns toward + reacts = positive response# Turns against + reacts = negative response# turns away + ignores = no response#
Unrequited Bidding people are not usually persistent# if ignored they give up# even in long term relationships# ergo frequency of bids matter#
Created by: elle99