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love actually final
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| what is the main struggle of the teenage brain? | the struggle between the need to belong and standing out |
| what is the health paradox in adolescence? | physically the healthiest period in our lives, but increased mortality & morbidity rates |
| why do teenagers feel the need to do something new? | the teenage brain has lower levels of dopamine |
| four features that characterize adolescent brain development | 1) novelty seeking 2) increased social engagement 3) increased emotional intensity 4) enhanced creative exploration |
| according to erik eriksons model, what is the conflict and virtue in adolescence? | identity vs role confusion & fidelity |
| according to erik eriksons model, what is the conflict and virtue in early adulthood? | intimacy vs isolation & love |
| what does pruning mean in adolescence? | neural connections are being wittled down - "use it or lose it" |
| what is myelin formation? | ability to transit signals more effectively - signal transmission, enhanced speed (the circuits u use more) |
| what is dunbar's number? | we should have 150 meaningful relationships |
| what is psychosocial moratorium? | college for example, an adult free - consequence free atmosphere. A period between childhood and adulthood - figuring out identity |
| Octavio paz says in "the double flame" that "sex act is for reproduction but..." | "with sexuality - pleasure serves procreation with eroticism - pleasure is an end to itself" |
| Octavio paz : what is eroticism? | exclusively human & unique, not mere animal sexuality. includes ceremony, representation, imagination - imagination turns sex into ceremony & rite |
| what is the relationship between poetry and language? | you need language for poetry - you need sex for eroticism |
| Esther Perel: what is desire? | to own the wanting - connected to self worth |
| what is erotic intelligence? | the ability for a couple to reinvent themselves |
| what is novelty? | new experiences - taking risks |
| What are the two approaches to why sex comes to feel indecent? | 1) freud : humans are social animals 2) darwin: we have evolved from animals, evolution is not complete |
| what does Stephen Mitchell say on the topic of sexuality ? (strange loops) | sexual events take on conceptual, emotional, psychological dimensions in humans - bodies and minds are inseparable |
| What is ID? (freud) | instinctual drive, unconcious |
| what is eros and thanatos in the id? | eros: life instinct - drive to survive thanatos: death instinct - violent urges, self-destructive. a battle |
| what is the superego according to freud? | the component of personality composed of the internalized ideals that we have acquired from our parents and society - both concious and uncouncious |
| what is me-ness according to mitchell? | what is inseparable from what makes us all connected |
| positive illusions | idolizing partner |
| actor/observer effects | knowing our own intentions - judging others based on actions |
| self serving bias | blame external factors if things don't go well, but believe it is our doing if things do go well. - knowing intentions |
| self fulfilling prophecy | thoughts/ feelings -> behaviour. others perception of us is shaped by our negative thoughts |
| what are the 4 impression management strategies? | 1) ingratiation - people pleasing, seeking acceptance 2) self promotion 3) intimidation 4) supplication - playing victim |
| what are yalom's 4 existencial concerns? | 1) death 2)isolation - i 3) freedom - i, superego, id 4) meaninglessness |
| How do we achieve union and overcome separateness? fromm | 1) orgiastic states 2) conformity 3) creative activity 4) love - mature and immature -mature: care, responsibility, respect, knowledge - immature: symbiotic union (sadist + masachist) |
| what does robert stenbergs triangle of love include? | passion, commitment, intimacy |
| what are the unhelpful narratives on love (atain de button) | romanticism, expecting mindreading, leads to disappointment |
| interdependance theory | each individual has a CL - past experiences + CLalt - alternatives CL governs satisfaction, happiness CLalt governs stability |
| investment model for commitment | satisfaction quality of alternatives investments |
| what is consummate love? | a love that has all of stenbergs components - intimacy, passion and commitment |
| what is companionate love? | intimacy + commitment |
| what is the cognitive dimension? | commitment |
| what are the 5 love languages? (gary chapman) | 1) quality time 2) acts of service 3) physical touch 4) gifts 5)words of affirmation |
| personality traits in least to most influential on relationship longevity | 1) openness to experience 2) conscientiousness 3)extraversion 4) agreeableness 5) neuroticism |
| attachment styles and what they are | secure: anchor anxious: wave avoidant: island |
| what sustains desire long term? | balance between security and novelty |
| relationship between love and desire | love: to have desire: to want (not need) |
| ambiguous loss | loss that occurs without understanding or closure - unresolved grief |
| John Gottmans 4 horsemen of the apocalypse | 1) contempt 2) criticism 3) stonewalling 4) defensiveness |
| antidote do stonewalling? | walk away for 20 minutes |
| antidote to contempt? | respect, no superiority |
| what is sharon old's stags leap about? | divorce w husband of 30 years - im one of the same with him, should i be happy? |
| what do we mean by infidelity? esther perel | definition keeps expanding, no agreed upon definition but a secretive relationship, an emotional connection, sexual alchemy (imagination) |
| why do happy people cheat? | crisis of identity, longing and loss - a sense of self |
| which attachment style may have a pattern of infidelity? | avoidant |
| why does % of divorce increase after first marriage? | CL, pattern in behavior, easier after first time |
| what is levinger's barrier model? (predicting divorce) | when attraction & barriers are low but CLalt is high - divorce is likely |
| Karney and Bradbury's stress adaptation model | enduring personal vulnerabilities, stressful events, & how u adapt/ cope combine to influence marital quality |
| what is relational devaluation? | a decrease in others regard for us (starting high lower over time) |
| what are the 2 types of jealousy? | reactive and suspicious |
| what two mechanisms are used to enhance relationships? | cognitive maintenance mechanisms and behavioral maintenance mechanisms |
| name some cognitive maintenance mechanisms | cognitive interdependance, positive illusions, percieved superiority, inattention to alternatives, derogation of tempting alternitives |
| what is the michelangelo phenomenon? | encouraging each other and growing together |
| why is prayer a behavioral maintenance mechanism? | because praying for a partner's wellbeing makes sacrifice easier |
| how to stay content using canary and staffords relationship maintenance strategies? | positivity, openness, relationship talk, assurances, understanding, sharing tasks, social networks, joint activities |
| what are the 5 different marital therapies? | behaviorial, cognitive - behaviorial, integrative - behavioral, emotianally focused, insight oriented |
| what is transferance? | reliving events |
| what did emile durkheim find out in the durkheim study? | major factor affecting rates of suicide was the degree of integration of groups |
| what does ACE stand for? what does it mean? | adverse childhood experiences. CDC study from 95-97 asked 17k adults about exposure to ACEs. |
| what is the plastic paradox? | the same neuroplastic properties that allow us to change our brains and produce more flexible behaviors can allow us to produce more rigid behavior |
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adaamina
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