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Conflict Terms 2
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| What are the four communication styles? | Assertive, Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive |
| Which two styles lean more towards being more mindful of other's psychological needs? Which two lean towards being less mindful? | More: Assertive, Passive Less: Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive |
| Which two styles lean more towards being more open to communicating? Which two lean more towards being less open to communicating? | More: Aggressive, Assertive Less: Passive-Aggressive, Passive |
| What is the goal for passive communicators? | Prioritizes goal of avoiding conflict, often at the expense of their other personal goal |
| What is a verbal characteristic of passive communicators? | Tend to talk less and in quieter voice |
| What are three nonverbal characteristics of passive communicators? | Typically less eye contact. Nervous Energy (fidgeting, slouching) Pleasant tone |
| What is listening characteristic of passive communicators? | May listen but does not actively respond a lo |
| What are two passive communicator phrases? | “Whatever you want” “I don’t care what we do.” |
| What are the two goals for passive-aggressive communicators? | Avoid direct confrontation while still trying to achieve personal goals. Does not want to take blame for confrontation |
| What are two verbal characteristics of passive-aggressive communicators? | May use guilt tripping, sarcasm, subtle digs, to get message across. Try to use subtle hints to use messages across while expecting others to get it (indirect communication |
| What are three nonverbal characteristics of passive-aggressive communicators? | Often written communication or symbolic communication. Nonverbals often do not match verbal communication Eye rolls, arms crossed, sighing, etc |
| What is a listening characteristic for passive-aggressive communicators? | Appears to listen, but may ignore or dismiss late |
| What are three passive-aggressive communicator phrases? | “Whatever. I don’t even care.” “I guess I’ll just do it myself” “Per my last e-mail.” |
| What is the goal of aggressive communicators? | Prioritizing own needs/goals, often at the expense of others’ needs/goals |
| What are the two verbal characteristics of aggressive communicators? | Loud, demanding, swearing. Tends to use “You” statements |
| What are the two nonverbal characteristics of aggressive communicators? | Strong eye contact, tense posture, pointing. May invade personal space |
| What are two listening characteristics of aggressive communicators? | Poor listening. Often interrupts. Focused on what they will say next |
| What are three aggressive communicator phrases? | “Don’t argue. Just do it.” “That’s a stupid idea.” “You’re wrong.” |
| What is a goal for assertive communicators? | Strive for a win-win outcome where everyone’s needs are met as much as possible |
| What are two verbal characteristics of assertive communicators? | Clear, respectful, confident tone. Tends to use “I” statements |
| What are two nonverbal characteristics of assertive communicators? | Relaxed but confident posture. Regular but relaxed eye contact |
| What are two listening characteristics of assertive communicators? | Active listener. Uses paraphrasing or reframing to make sure there is understanding |
| What are three assertive communicator phrases? | “I can understand your concern. My concern is….” “Can we work together to find a solution?” “I’d really appreciate it if you…” |
| What is assertiveness about in relation to needs? | Assertive is about standing up for your needs but still being open to the needs of others |
| What are seven obstacles to assertiveness? | Not knowing what exactly you want/Not being clear on how you feel; Power differences; Stress/strong emotions; Devaluing your own needs; need to please others; Fear of being challenged or critiqued; Over-confidence in our own position/Naïve realism |
| True or False: It is not uncommon for people to use different styles depending on the situation and person they’re communicating with. | True |
| What are the six types of conflict? | Data, Language/Communication, Interest, Structural, Values, Relationship |
| What does a data conflict mean? Example given. | Disagreements based on differing information including inaccurate or incomplete information or different interpretations of information Ex. Having the wrong times, one person thinks they're early, the other thinks they're late |
| How can you identify and address data conflicts? Not as important. | initially assume conflicts are data conflicts rather than assuming bad intentions. Ask questions to find out if you are missing information, have different information, or to understand why people are interpreting information differently. |
| What does a language/communication conflict mean? Example given. | stem from language differences or differing communication expectations (verbal and nonverbal) Ex. professor gets an unprofessional email & assumes the student is being disrespectful |
| How can you identify and address language/communication conflicts? | Don’t assume your understanding of communication is common sense. Ask questions and clarify expectations. |
| What does an interest conflict mean? Example given. | Concerns over differing personal stakes or motivations; one thinks one thing is more important than the other Ex. relationship where one wants to stay in and the other doesn't |
| How can you identify and address interest conflicts? | Recognize everyone has their own interests/goals and does not make them bad; Acknowledge how your interests/goals may be an obstacle; Ask questions to understand others’ interests/goals; Try to collaborate on ways to achieve multiple interests/goals |
| What does a structural conflict mean? Example given. | Disagreement or stress caused by systems, organizations, power difference, or external influences including competition over limited resources or time constraints Ex. different professors all assigning projects at the same time |
| How can you identify and address structural conflicts? | Recognize some conflicts are due to outside forces you didn't consider or are not in someone's control. Ask questions about why structures are the way they are and work with others to find creative solutions for adjusting the structures if possible. |
| What does a values conflict mean? Example given. | Disagreement about values, ideologies, habits, or perception of what is “common sense.” Ex. one partner thinks you need to work, even on weekends; the other thinks weekends are for family and relaxation |
| How can you identify and address value conflicts? | Recognize that people have values for a reason; Ask questions to generally try to see where someone is coming from; Don’t assume that someone is evil/bad intentioned; Try to help others understand your values, not necessarily adopt them |
| What does a relationship conflict mean? Example not given; question about one later | Disagreements stemming from negative experiences (with each other, projecting onto another, or stereotyping). Conflict stems from tensions in the relationship rather than a particular behavior |
| True or False: Relationship conflicts are just conflicts with people you have some kind of relationship with. Stereotype example given. | False, they are not Ex. Bob thinks young people are lazy. Whenever someone fresh out of college starts at the company, he complains that he is going to have to do more work because the new person will not be good |
| What is a "with eachother? example of a relationship conflict? | Years ago, you told a friend a secret and they told everyone. You are still resentful about it. You still do not trust that friend so you continue to hesitate to tell them things |
| What is a "projecting onto the another" example of a relationship conflict? | You meet your partner’s ex and you immediately dislike them. They actually seem pretty nice, but you can’t help disliking them. |
| How can you identify and address relationship conflicts? | Consider if you would be as upset if someone else did the same behavior; Ask yourself if you are being fair to the other person as an individual - Instead of getting mad about a particular moment, try to figure out what the root of the problem is |
| What is important to remember about the types of conflict, and how they can interact? | Sometimes there are multiple conflicts happening at once or the same conflict can be considered different types of conflict |
| What is an important way to address a conflict without placing blame on the person? Hint: may be a fill in the blank question | treat the problem like a “THIRD ENTITY” that you and another person can address together, rather than treating the other person as the problem |
| What are the five conflict management styles? | Competing, Collaborating, Compromising, Avoiding, and Accommodating (obliging) |
| What is the competing conflict management style focused on? What can it be boiled down to (simple phrase)? | own needs and/or desired solutions over anyone else’s "I win, you lose" |
| What are two positives and two negatives with the competing conflict management style? *not as important | + Good for achieving your immediate goals or achieving a goal that is very important + Good when needing quick decisions - Can create new conflicts - Can be harmful for relationship maintenance |
| What are three common phrases of people with a competing conflict management style? | “My way or the highway.” “I know I’m right.” “This is non-negotiable.” |
| What is the compromising management style focused on? What can it be boiled down to (simple phrase)? | Finding a solution that partially but may not fully meets everyone’s psychological needs "We both win and lose a little" |
| What are two positives and two negatives with the compromising conflict management style? *Not as important | + Good for temporary or quick solutions. + Can be good when parties have equally important goals. - Can be hard to balance - Both parties may walk away feeling unsatisfied |
| What are four common phrases of people with a compromising conflict management style? | “Let’s meet in the middle.” “I’ll do this, if you do that.” “If we do it this way this time we can do your way next time.” “I don’t love the solution, but I’m okay with it. |
| What is the collaborating management style focused on? What can it be boiled down to (simple phrase)? | Working together to find a solution that meets everyone’s need "I win, you win" |
| What are two positives and one negative with the collaborating conflict management style? *Not as important | + Good for long-term relationship maintenance + Good for inclusive and creative problem solving. - Requires a high degree of trust, time, and effort from everyon |
| What are four common phrases of people with a collaborating conflict management style? | “I want us to both be happy” “Let’s brainstorm some ideas.” “Maybe there is a solution we haven’t thought of yet” “Let’s work together." |
| What is the difference between compromising and collaborating conflict management styles? | No one is fully satisfied vs. everyone is satisfied **Compromising: faster but less satisfying; particularly useful in low-stakes decision making where collaboration is typically best for high-stakes decision making |
| What is the accommodating management style focused on? What can it be boiled down to (simple phrase)? | Cooperating to a high degree, often at the expense of your own need "I lose, you win" |
| What are two positives and two negatives with the accommodating conflict management style? *Not as important | + Good for when the other person is an expert/has a better solution + Good for when you don’t have strong stakes or needs being threatened. - May lead you to feel resentful - May prevent your goals from being met |
| What are five common phrases of people with accommodating conflict management style? | “Whatever you want is fine.” “I just want you to be happy.” “It’s no big deal, I don’t really care.” “You know more than me so you should decide” “I’ll let it slide this time.” |
| What is the avoiding management style focused on? What can it be boiled down to (simple phrase)? | Avoiding the issue all together "I lose, you lose" |
| What are two positives with the avoiding conflict management style? *Not as important | + Good for when people need to calm down. + Good for potentially unsafe situations. |
| What are three negatives with the avoiding conflict management style? *not as important | - Conflicts never get addressed - Can lead to others resenting you if they suspect you are mad but you won’t say why. - If people aren’t aware there is a problem they aren’t given the chance to really address it, so everyone loses |
| What are four common phrases of people with avoiding conflict management style? | “Let’s just drop it.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” “It’s not worth the fight.” “I don’t want to deal with this right now. |
| What is the difference between accommodating and avoiding? | prioritizing others' needs, but still willing to bring conflict up/discuss it VS. prioritizing your needs, and not willing to bring conflict up/discuss it |
| What is a trigger? | behaviors that contribute to sparking higher emotions (anger, sadness, fear, disappointment etc.) |
| How can you identify your own triggers? What can you ask to investigate your triggers? | Take time to reflect on exactly why. • Is it something specific the other person did? • Is it the nature of the topic? • Is it based on past experience? • Is there something else going on impacting how you are responding (hunger, stress, tired, etc. |
| How can you identify others' triggers? Two questions (Do people seem...) | Do people seem to get angry, passive aggressive, or shut down as a response to certain behaviors? Do people seem to have a harder time talking about certain topics (getting more aggressive or avoiding the topic)? |
| How can you identify other's triggers? One question (Are there...) | Are there situations in which the person responds more negatively to certain behaviors they don’t usually react to? |
| What are the three types of triggers? | Communication-Based, Emotional/Psychological, Physical/Situational |
| What are the nine examples of communication-based triggers? | yelling work ethic questioned. feeling interrupted or talked over. feeling ignored or dismissed. accused unfairly or misunderstood. sarcasm or passive-aggressive comments. condescended to or patronized. personal attacks or name-calling. Swearing |
| What are the seven emotional/psychological triggers? | Feeling excluded or left out. disrespect or lack of appreciation. blamed for something without evidence. personal values or beliefs challenged. compared negatively to others. micromanaged or not trusted. Reminded of past negative experiences |
| What are the five physical/situational triggers? | hungry, tired, or physically uncomfortable. Experiencing time pressure or tight deadlines. Being overwhelmed with tasks or responsibilities. Being physically cornered or lacking personal space. Not feeling comfortable or at peace in your own space |
| Do not forget to review the slideshows for any information.... | ...because last time not everything on here gave enough context without reading the slides |
| What is a relationship agreement? Are they all spoken? | mutually agreeable expectations for how to act within a particular dynamic Some are spoken and are not |
| What is important about expectations? | We have to let our important expectations be known |
| How can you prevent conflicts about expectations? | Talk about expectations early in relationships to prevent some potential conflicts from emerging |
| What van vague (usually unspoken) expectations lead to? Why? | escalated conflict because you thought you were on the same page |
| What is a decoded message? What is an encoded message? How do they work together? | Sometimes people interpret the message of a behavior (decoded) differently than the message someone intends to send (encoded) |
| What is reframing (mentally reframing conflict)? | The process of shifting how a conflict or situation is perceived by reconsidering the language, assumptions, or perspectives involved |
| What is the reframing method? Aka, what are the four steps? | 1. Identify Assumptions 2. Identify Alternative Explanations 3. Identify Opportunity 4. Identify Next Action |
| What is step one (identify assumptions) in the reframing method? Aka, what do you do in this step? | Identify what assumptions you are making, especially assumptions that are creating “conflict fuel” by assuming someone’s behavior is the result of bad character or intentions |
| Check the 10/5 slideshow for examples of the reframing method... | because studystack isn't working with me (too long) |
| What is step two (identify alternative explanations) in the reframing method? Aka, what do you do in this step? | Ask yourself “What else could explain this person's behavior?” Explore possibilities, especially ones that do not assume bad character or intentions |
| What is step three (identify opportunity) in the reframing method? Aka, what do you do in this step? | reframe the conflict as an opportunity by asking how it could be chance to learn something and/or improve the relationship |
| What are the seven aspects (aka opportunities you can take) of step three (identify opportunity) in the reframing method? | Clarify expectations Better understand another person's perspective Identify the root cause Correct misunderstandings Strengthen relationship Prevent future conflict Receive feedback |
| What is step four (identify next action) in the reframing method? Aka, what do you do in this step? | Make a plan to approach the person with a goal of developing understanding. Focus on asking good questions, active listening, and providing “I” statements rather than aggressive or accusatory “You” statements |
| What is naive realism? | belief that our own perspective is objective and accurate, while others who see things differently are biased, uninformed, or irrational |
| Why does naive realism matter for diversity and conflict? | We assume our cultural norms, values, or identities are “common sense.” Misunderstandings arise when we see difference as a problem instead of a perspective. Can block empathy, dialogue, and problem-solving |
| What are examples of naive realism in diverse contexts? Just to help your understanding. | “It’s common sense this is how to behave; everyone should know that.” "I’m being direct; they’re being rude.” “[policy is "neutral"] if people see bias, they’re overreacting." “My way of resolving conflict is logical; their way is illogical/ emotional" |
| What are the seven different types of logic/logical frames? | Practicality, Emotional Maturity/Social Support, Social Norms/Expectations, Short vs. Long Term Logic, Personal Needs, Moral Reasoning, and Risk Management |
| What is the question associated with the practicality (logic/logical frames)? | What is efficient/effective? |
| What is the question associated with the emotional maturity/ social support (logic/logical frames)? | What behaviors are signs of emotionally healthy relationships? How do you attend to people’s need for support? |
| What are the two questions associated with the social norms/expectations (logic/logical frames)? | What behavior is socially/culturally reasonable/expected? |
| What is the question associated with the short vs. long term logic (logic/logical frames)? | Should we focus on immediate needs or future needs? |
| What is the question associated with the personal needs (logic/logical frames)? | Whose needs/goals should be prioritized? |
| What is the question associated with the moral reasoning (logic/logical frames)? | What is ethically right, wrong, or fair in a situation? |
| What is the question associated with the risk management (logic/logical frames)? | What are the particular rewards or costs of a particular situation? |
| True or False: Good conflict management involves recognizing that two people can both be logical while coming to very different conclusions | True!! This will be a quiz question |
| True or False: People do not use the same logical frame and how they approach it is not different based on their unique perspective. | False! People MAY USE the same logical frame but how they approach it IS different based on their unique perspective. |
| What are three things you should not do to manage conflicts where people appear to be using different logic? What should you do instead? | Don’t just accuse someone of being illogical/emotional because you don’t see their logic. Try to understand their logic. Don’t assume your logic is common sense. Explain your logic. Don’t assume your logic is superior. |
| What should you be willing to do to manage conflicts where people appear to be using different logic? | Be willing to acknowledge you both might be being logical but are prioritizing different types of logic. Be willing to admit if your logic, upon reflection, was flawed. |
| Emotions and logic ARE NOT opposites. Why?? | Someone can be emotional and logical at the same time. Ex. Someone could be crying or yelling while still making logical arguments Emotions themselves are often the result of a rational process |
| What is also important to recognize in conflict mangement? | Sometimes people are being illogical and that needs to be addressed Sometimes emotions can make us act or think irrationally so trying to stay calm can help us also stay logical or express our logic more effectively |
| True or False: While emotions may be logical, that does not justify certain behaviors stemming from that emotion | True! |
| What are the five C's of asking good questions? | Curiosity, Clarity, Context, Content, Contrast |
| What does the curiosity C of asking good questions mean? | Show a genuine interest in understanding (“Be curious, not judgmental”) |
| What does the clarity C of asking good questions mean? | Determine what you are trying to get an answer to and ask one question at a time (are you gathering information, checking assumptions? |
| What does the context C of asking good questions mean? | Consider your perspective and their perspective (how might they be seeing the situation, what are their triggers, what logic do they tend to prioritize) |
| What does the content C of asking good questions mean? | What do they need to know to answer the question? |
| What does the contrast C of asking good questions mean? | Help them consider a different perspective. |
| What are the five good questions to ask to understand conflict? What is important to remember about asking questions? | Open-Ended Questions; Clarifying/Probing Questions; Questions Focused on Behavior; Questions that Treat the Problem like a Third Entity; Perspective Sharing Questions Be mindful of your tone when asking questions |
| What do Open-Ended Questions entail? | Encourage explanation instead of yes/no answers |
| What do Clarifying/Probing Questions entail? | Questions that seek more detail, check accuracy, or fill in missing information |
| What do Questions Focused on Behavior entail? | Don’t assume bad intentions or bad charact |
| What do Questions that Treat the Problem like a Third Entity entail? | Present the problem as something you work together to understand and solve |
| What do Perspective Sharing Questions entail? | Encourage a back-and-forth conversation where both perspectives are valued |
| Why do Open-Ended Questions help? | They show genuine interest, promote dialogue, and build trust |
| Why do Clarifying/Probing Questions help? | They prevent assumptions, show careful listening, and ensure mutual understanding |
| Why do Questions Focused on Behavior help? | They can help prevent the other person from getting as defensive |
| Why do Questions that Treat the Problem like a Third Entity help? | They encourage collaboration and limit blame |
| Why do Perspective Sharing Questions help? | They give you a chance to share your perspective while making sure the other person still feels listened to and part of the conversation |
| See slideshows for examples of the types of questions | because yknow the character limit |
| What are the five questions to avoid? | Yes/No Questions (When More Understanding Is Needed); Leading Questions; Assumption Questions; Judgment Questions; Double-Barreled Question |
| What do Yes/No Questions (When More Understanding Is Needed) entail? What is an example? | Questions that limit the other person’s ability/motivation to explain. • "Are you mad?" • "Did I hurt your feelings? |
| What do Leading Questions entail? What is an example? | Questions that push someone toward a specific answer instead of inviting their perspective. • "Don't you think you were being unfair?" • "You knew that would upset me, right?" |
| What do Assumption Questions entail? What is an example? | Questions that assume you already know someone's intentions, feelings, or reasons. • "Why don’t you care about me? • "Did you do that because you were trying to embarrass me |
| What do Judgment Questions entail? What is an example? | Questions that criticize someone’s character instead of focusing on a specific behavior. • "Why are you so selfish?" • "What is wrong with you?" |
| What do Double-Barreled Questions entail? What is an example? | Asking two or more questions at the same time. • "Why did you say that and how did you think I would respond?” • “ Can you explain to me what you were thinking, what your expectations are, and what you think we can do differently next time?” |
| What are the six conflict types? Review these | • Data • Relationship • Language/Communication • Value • Interest • Structural |
| What are the six causes of conflict (psychological threats)? Review these | • Care • Growth • Identity • Autonomy • Safety • Stimulation |
| Why should you focus on facts when (active) listening? 2 things | Confirming you understand the facts demonstrates you were listening; Clarifying facts reduces misunderstanding |
| What should you listen for when focusing on facts (active listening)? 4 things | • Dates, times, places, and specific details • Who was involved • What actions were taken (or not taken) • Evidence or examples that support claim |
| What are three tips for fact-focused listening? | • What facts appear particularly important for the conflict • Ask clarifying questions (“When did this happen?”) • Avoid assuming or filling in missing information |
| Why should you focus on feelings as well as facts when (active) listening? 2 things | • Emotions drive conflict just as much as facts. • Recognizing feelings shows empathy and builds trust |
| What should you listen for when focusing on feelings (active listening)? 4 things | • Words that signal emotions (“frustrated,” “disrespected,” “worried”) • Tone of voice, volume, or pace • Body language (crossed arms, sighs, pauses) • Shifts in mood during the conversation |
| What are three tips for feelings-focused listening (active listening)? | • Reflect back emotions (“It sounds like you felt left out.”) • Validate without judgment (“I can understand why that was upsetting.”) • Notice both spoken and unspoken emotion |
| Why should you also focus on values when (active) listening? 4 things | Conflicts often arise when someone’s core values feel challenged; Our values often shape our expectations of what others will do; Identifying values helps you understand why people feel strongly; Acknowledging people’s values can make them feel heard |
| What should you listen for when focusing on values (active listening)? 3 things | • Statements that indicate what is important to them • Repeated themes or priorities • Underlying principles that guide expectations or action |
| What are three tips for values-focused listening (active listening)? | • Ask clarifying questions (“Can you explain why this is so important to you?”) • Reflect their values back (“It sounds like fairness matters a lot here.”) • Avoid judging; focus on understanding |
| What are clarifying/probing questions? Why do they help? | Questions that seek more detail, check accuracy, or fill in missing information; prevent assumptions, show careful listening, and ensure mutual understanding |
| What are four examples of clarifying/probing questions? | • Could you repeat the second part again? • Would you tell me more about what happened? • I may have missed this but, when did you say this happened? • Can you clarify what you mean by “good communication”? What does that look like to you? |
| Why can it be so hard to hear feedback/criticism? Freebie: Receiving criticism can often feel like a psychological threat to our identity. | We often know our intentions weren’t meant to be bad so if someone decodes our behavior as bad we are quick to want to defend our encoded intention and dismiss a decoded interpretation we disagree with. |
| What is the difference between vague and constructive feedback? | V: Positive or negative feedback with limited detail C: Detailed feedback that offers specific reasons or suggestion |
| How should you structure an "I" statement? | “I (focus on how you are feeling or how you are being impacted) because/when (focus on behavior)" Ex. “I feel stressed when the kitchen is messy because I don’t feel like I can cook effectively. Can we figure out a better cleaning system?" |
| Do you have to structure the "I" statement in the way mentioned in the textbook and her slideshow? | No, but it is a good starting point |
| See slideshow for turning a "you" statement into an "I" statement. One example given. | You statement: “You’re always late—you don’t respect my time.” I statement: “I get frustrated when I’m waiting for you to show up at the time we agree because it makes me feel like my time isn’t being valued.” |
| What is important to remember about giving feedback? Hint: positive and negative | Remember to give positive feedback because when you have already given positive comments, people are more likely to be receptive of negative feedback |
| What is the BEAR feedback model? Hint: negative feedback | B (Behavior): What specific thing are they doing? E (Effect): What negative effect is it having? A (Alternative): What would you like to see them do instead? R (Result): How will this alternative behavior be helpful? |
| What else is important to remember about giving feedback? Hint: people | People are giving feedback based on their own experiences, perceptions, and preference |
| See the slideshow for common phrases for responding to feedback, but what are the three categories? | When they have fair feedback When you want to better understand the feedback When you don’t immediately agree with the feedback |
| What is the benefit of using "I" statements? Not bolded on her slideshow but y'know. | typically come across as less aggressive and more assertive than “you” statements |
| What is the BET feedback model? Hint: positive feedback Very helpful for school/contact with parents | B (Behavior): What behavior do you like/appreciate E (Effect): Explaining why you appreciate it T (Thank you): Express thanks/appreciation/praise |
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