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Psychology Q3
Grieving Children
Question | Answer |
---|---|
Preschoolers: 2-6 yrs What do they understand? | - world is magical - little concept of time - day-to-day needs - cared for by family - limited vocabulary - speak in symbolic language - imitate - sensitive to nonverbal communication |
Preschoolers: 2-6 yrs What about death? | - do not understand finality of death - dead person will come back - "dead" means a change in physical condition but deceased still eats & drinks, etc |
Preschoolers: 2-6 yrs What to expect? | - may not look affected by the death, since they expect person to come back - connect unrelated events - ask indirect questions to find out if someone else will die - feel the sadness or anxiety of people around them - feel responsible - literal |
Preschoolers: 2-6 yrs What to say or do? | - use concrete terms - do not use avoidance words (ex "passed away") - choose words that do not leave open a hope of return - explain difference between old & sick vs just "sick" - look for any "I did it" thoughts |
6-9 yrs What do they understand? | - understand many words, but some may be confusing - magical thinking - feeling of power & control of their thoughts & wishes - more developed sense of time |
6-9 yrs What about death? | - death is personified as ghost or boogeyman - begin to understand finality & irreversibility of death - may fear death is contagious |
6-9 yrs What to expect? | - preoccupied w/ death "stalking" a person - may be treated as an outsider by peers - phrases & rhymes may trigger fears/thoughts about death - may act silly or laugh - feel anger, fear, guilt - ask indirect questions concerning their fears |
6-9 yrs What to say or do? | - explain what "dead" is - encourage talking about the dead person, relive happy times & sad times with that person - communicate that it is ok to cry, feel bad, be afraid, etc - read books about death - play & draw |
9-12 yrs What do they understand? | - more adult thinking; more life experience - some magical thinking - better communication skills - strong sense of right & wrong -- punishment/consequences - becoming their own person; have their own standards |
9-12 yrs What about death? | - understand finality & irreversibility - have own ideas & theories about why it occurs - death may be punishment for bad behavior - beyond wondering what death is to wondering about their changed relationship to the dead person - ceremony & ritual |
9-12 yrs What to expect? | - may still have "I did it" thinking but won't admit - ask many direct questions - act grown up but don't want to seem different - concerned with "how should I act/what do I say" - may be mature in their thinking but regress emotionally - commemorate |
9-12 yrs What to say or do? | be prepared to answer all factual questions -- key to their understanding - anticipate their feelings & make yourself available - get books & read together - guide them as to how to act & what to say - commemorate the dead person |
Teenagers What do they understand? | - aware of themselves & out to prove themselves - more critical, philosophize & daydream - more aware of their own bodily changes & seeing natural progression of age process |
Teenagers What about death? | - understand death is final, irreversible & universal - death is "natural enemy" -- an outrage to self |
Teenagers What to expect? | - many strong feelings & reactions: outrage, disbelief, anger, guilt, sadness - changeable reactions - strong concern with image - much denial - physical distress - compulsive behavior |
Teenagers What to say or do? | - make more effort to understand their feelings & help them work through grief - guide them in "what is expected," "what is their role," "how to handle emotions" - watch for signs where outside professional help is needed |
- world is magical - little concept of time - day-to-day needs - cared for by family - limited vocabulary - speak in symbolic language - imitate - sensitive to nonverbal communication | 2-6 yrs |
- do not understand finality of death - dead person will come back - "dead" means a change in physical condition but deceased still eats & drinks, etc | 2-6 yrs |
- may not look affected by the death, since they expect person to come back - connect unrelated events - ask indirect questions to find out if someone else will die - feel the sadness or anxiety of people around them - feel responsible - literal | 2-6 yrs |
- use concrete terms - do not use avoidance words (ex "passed away") - choose words that do not leave open a hope of return - explain difference between old & sick vs just "sick" - look for any "I did it" thoughts | 2-6 yrs |
- understand many words, but some may be confusing - magical thinking - feeling of power & control of their thoughts & wishes - more developed sense of time | 6-9 yrs |
- death is personified as ghost or boogeyman - begin to understand finality & irreversibility of death - may fear death is contagious | 6-9 yrs |
- preoccupied w/ death "stalking" a person - may be treated as an outsider by peers - phrases & rhymes may trigger fears/thoughts about death - may act silly or laugh - feel anger, fear, guilt - ask indirect questions concerning their fears | 6-9 yrs |
- explain what "dead" is - encourage talking about the dead person, relive happy times & sad times with that person - communicate that it is ok to cry, feel bad, be afraid, etc - read books about death - play & draw | 6-9 yrs |
- more adult thinking; more life experience - some magical thinking - better communication skills - strong sense of right & wrong -- punishment/consequences - becoming their own person; have their own standards | 9-12 yrs |
- understand finality & irreversibility - have own ideas & theories about why it occurs - death may be punishment for bad behavior - beyond wondering what death is to wondering about their changed relationship to the dead person - ceremony & ritual | 9-12 yrs |
- may still have "I did it" thinking but won't admit - ask many direct questions - act grown up but don't want to seem different - concerned with "how should I act/what do I say" - may be mature in their thinking but regress emotionally - commemorate | 9-12 yrs |
be prepared to answer all factual questions -- key to their understanding - anticipate their feelings & make yourself available - get books & read together - guide them as to how to act & what to say - commemorate the dead person | 9-12 yrs |
- aware of themselves & out to prove themselves - more critical, philosophize & daydream - more aware of their own bodily changes & seeing natural progression of age process | teenagers |
- understand death is final, irreversible & universal - death is "natural enemy" -- an outrage to self | teenagers |
- many strong feelings & reactions: outrage, disbelief, anger, guilt, sadness - changeable reactions - strong concern with image - much denial - physical distress - compulsive behavior | teenagers |
- make more effort to understand their feelings & help them work through grief - guide them in "what is expected," "what is their role," "how to handle emotions" - watch for signs where outside professional help is needed | teenagers |