COMN2311-LECT 20 & 21 Concepts
Quiz yourself by thinking what should be in
each of the black spaces below before clicking
on it to display the answer.
Help!
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| Four functions of Interpersonal relationship | 1-alleviate loneliness
2-secure stimulation
3-maximise pleasure/minimise pain
4-gain self knowledge & self esteem
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| Relationships meet ________ needs | deep, personal
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| Two key basis for human attraction | proximity (close by/interact with often) & similarity (share core values & interests)
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| Complementarity | needs & behaviour
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| Three features of satisfying relationships | 1- investment
2- Commitment
3- Trust
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| Trust in a relationship is built through _______ | self-disclosure (over time disclosures will broaden + deepen)
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| There is tension in all relationships between _____, _____ and _____ | autonomy (share space - maintain identity), novelty (balance routine with new experiences) and openness (shared thoughts vs privacy)
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| Five general expectations of intimacy | 1-trust
2-intimacy
3-acceptance
4-support
5-practical assistance
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| Six expectations of friendships | 1-emotional support
2-enjoyment/fun/happy/positive
3-stand up for friend in their absence
4-shared information/feelings
5-trust & confide in each other
6-offer of help when needed
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| Eight expectations of lovers | 1-acknowledge each other's individuality
2-similar attitudes, beliefs, values + interests
3-enhance each other's self-worth/ self-esteem
4-open, genuine + authentic
5-loyal + faithful
6-shared time
7-share rewards
8-experience "magic" (passion)
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| Three dimensions of Romantic Love | 1-Passion (quick to develop + levels off)
2-commitment (increases gradually + levels off)
3-intimacy (grows steadily + levels off)
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| Four aspects of committed romantic relationships | 1-voluntary
2-primary + continuing
3-permanent
4-romantic/sexual feelings of love
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| Falling in Love (Hazan) | Culturally created name for the biological urge to mate enhanced by neuro-chemicals of dopamine, phenylethylamine and oxytocin (the cocktail of love) usually present for up to 30-months - long enough to have a few children
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| Language of Romantic Love (4) | Recognition- I feel like I already know you
Timelessness - I feel like I've always known you
Reunification - I feel like I have found my other half
Necessity - I cannot live without you
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| Doomed Romantic Relationsihp (4 horsemen of the apocalypse) & antidotes (Gottman) | criticism - complain without blame
contempt - build a culture of appreciation
defensiveness - take responsibility
stonewalling/withdrawal - do physiological self-soothing
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| Romantic Love (4) | emotional brain
intimate love - care taking - the illusion of safety and security - total absorption
instinctual bonding
lacking the consciences of mature love
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| Mature Love (Peck) | will to extend oneself to nurture another
ties self-love w/ love for other
requires effort : DIALOGUE talk
mindfulness
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| Myths of Romantic Love | There is someone just for you
You will recognise them
there is a 'perfect match' - a forever love
falling out of love is a mistake --> renewed search --> cultural burden
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| Mass Media & Romance | encounter/courtship
confrontation/quarrel
seduction/sexual-intellectual
confession of love/ after fight
marriage / end of drama
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| Life Cycle of relationships | coming together --> 5 substages
coming apart --> 5 substages
maintaining relationships
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| Coming Together/Coming Apart: 3Qs | What's going on?
Who am I to you? who are you to me?
What is going to happen next?
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| Coming Together (5) | Initiating - connect talk
Experimenting - finding similarities
Intensifying - increase personal knowledge/self disclosure/intimacy
Integrating - creating "us" leading to commitment & permanency
Bonding - formal rituals, living together, etc
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| Coming Apart - key factors | unresolved tensions - over autonomy/routine/openess/etc
shattered expectations - trust/intimacy/etc
incomplete self-disclosure - areas of self open/hidden/etc
problematic fighting styles - CONTROL talk/voice
conflict resolution - forcing/compirmise/et
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| Coming Apart (5) | Differentiating -focus
Circumscribing - reduce frequency of intimacy/comns
Stagnating - 'holding on'
Avoiding - physical/psych separation
Terminating - painful
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| Maintaining Relationships | Pro-social behaviours - cheerful/compromise/avoid criticism
Ceremonial behaviours - sharing events/anniversaries/etc
Togetherness behaviours - joint activities
Communication behaviours - DIALOGUE talk/fair fighting/etc
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| Four Effective Porblem-solving skills in a long term (Gottman) | 1-physiological soothing (emotional self management)
2-softened startup
3-repair/de-escalation
4-compromise
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| Commensal | eating a meal at the same table together - an important way to maintain relationships
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