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Zombies
All I Really Need to Know I Learned From Being a Zombie
Question | Answer |
---|---|
Micca: In fact, All I really need to know I learned from being a zombie. | (at "in fact" start to walk across whistling) |
Blue: becoming a zombie | is a test of your emotional, physical and spiritual strength. |
Nina: First, of course, is Flat out | Denial |
Laura: Hey, I just wanna say I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. | Yeah, it's too bad you're a zombie now. |
Blue: I am not! Who told you that? | Uh, you're eating someone's leg. |
6: But most zombies move from denial on to: | Anger |
Micca: It's all your fault! (meow) Yes, you. | Sometimes you're just angry with yourself. |
Kaci: I don't see any other zombies here, you must be talking to me. | You may find yourself lashing out at others, especially those close to you. |
Blue: Which it does. Eventually. | The zombie tries a completely different approach. with group: Bargaining. |
Blue: If only there was some way I could return to the living. If only there was a cure. | I begged my doctor. I offered everything I had. |
Kaci: I offered my first born. | I offered my second born, too. Never liked him anyway. |
Blue: No offense, but I'm gonna get a second opinion. | Bargaining rarely produces any favorable results. |
Micca: Usually it just leads to: | Depression. |
Blue: regret | fear |
Kaci: But finally, there is: | Acceptance. |
Nina: Oh. This? Nothing. Just thinking. | C'mon, man. Let's go eat some brains. |
Kaci: No! It was more than that. It was... I don't know. Looks are important, too. | (walks in) Hi. |
Mary: Yeah, anyway. | I'm sorry if I interrupted you. |
Kaci: She looks worse than us, and we're rotting. | I just want you to know that, despite what you may think, I'm not like competing with you. |
Kaci: Ha! Yeah we know. | Just because I get better grades. Just cause I aced -- (that test) |
Mary: At all. | Right. I think it's good you're still on the cheerleading team. Because everyone should excel at something. Even if you're... zombies and all. |
Kaci: Yeah, well, brains aren't everything. | I agree. |
Kaci: Yeah, I guess they can. | Hey why are you looking at me like that?... What are you doing?... Get away!... Ahhhhhh... |
Laura: Sure. Of course. Anything for our son. | So what seems to be the problem? |
Blue: Right. The problem. It's not a problem per se, it's more, well -- | If it's not a problem then why are we here? |
Blue: Odd. | How so? |
Blue: His behavior is befitting a, typical of a -- | Of a what? (blue: of a zombie.) Huh. |
Blue: restlessness in class, eating people, late homework. | I don't understand. Doesn't one have to die first to be a zombie. |
Laura: Of course not. I mean, he never died, right honey? | Not that I can remember. |
Blue: He never died at any point? | No. |
Blue: Maybe last summer? | Last summer? Why last summer? |
Laura: Oh, no, I think we'd remember a thing like that. Wouldn't we, dear? | Of course we would. |
Blue: Then perhaps he was simply infected. | How would he be infected? |
Blue: ...all kinds of germs. It wouldn't surprise me. | You talk as if he caught a cold! |
Blue: I don't mean to alarm you. | You have! Of course we're alarmed. Why wouldn't we be. Our son isn't normal! (stands up) I'm gonna pull all my hair out! I'll do it! |
Laura: Do we commit him to some sort of hospital? | Over my dead body! |
Laura: Haha, yes. Kids. Well I guess you can't be too careful. | Let's go dear. You heard her, there's nothing more to do. He's undead to us now. |
Laura: We were. We really were. | (take Laura out) There, there. He's going to be fine. I mean not really, but we should go anyway. The game's coming on. |
*YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT* | (walk casually on to the stage) Enough said. |
(music cues what doesn’t kill…) | What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. |
Laura: I’m fine. | Because what doesn’t kill you… will come back later. |
Laura: Really? | What doesn’t kill you makes you… |
Micca: Likely to die at another time. | What doesn’t kill you makes you… |
Kaci: Want to die. | What doesn’t kill you makes you… lead a life of fear. |
Mary: Disappointment and regret. | What doesn’t kill you… |
Blue: Gives you hope. | False hope. |
Nina: Everyone deserves a second chance. | What doesn’t kill you makes you defensive. |
Blue: Protective. | Makes you a survivor. |
Blue: Broken glass. | Shards of glass. Of memories. What doesn’t kill you makes you remember. |
Blue: Rewritten history. | Preserved history. |
Kaci: Subjects, etc… | What doesn’t kill you makes you confused. |
Blue: None of the above. | Totally isolated and meaningless occurrences. |
Micca: No such thing as coincidences. | What doesn’t kill you makes you believe. |
Kaci: Makes you spiritual. | Religious. |
Blue: Wonder. | Speculation. |
Nina: In awe. | What doesn’t kill you… makes you alive. |
Laura: Use your words, dear. | Please pass the salt. |
Laura: Janie is bringing a special friend for dinner. | Yeah, what’s so special about him? |
Laura: I think she just has special feelings about him. | She’s late, so much for first impressions. |
Kaci: Yeah, like they were making babies! | Don’t say things like that! |
Kaci: Why not? Mom was pregnant with Janie when she was her age. | That’s different. |
Kaci: Innocence was meant to be lost. | I should… punish you in some way. |
Kaci: So do it. | Is this the attitude you take to school, young man? |
Kaci: Maybe. | You know where that’s going to get you? Nowhere’s. And fast. You’re going to end up like these other mindless nobodies aimlessly wandering the streets. No goals, no prospects, no future. |
Kaci: Yeah, dad. They’re called zombies. | And I will not let my son end up as one. |
Kaci: Derricks parents let him become a zombie. | Because they’re probably zombies themselves. |
Laura: No you don’t dear. Now finish your broccoli. | I’m not gonna let that happen to us. We’re better than that! |
Laura: don’t even celebrate Christmas. | That’s right. Zombies don’t have traditions. Because they don’t have morals. |
Laura: They probably don’t celebrate thanksgiving either. | Probably not. |
Laura: Or Easter. Or Independence Day. | Right. |
Laura: Or Groundhogs day. | Okay, mother. You’re getting excitable again. |
Laura: Flag day is important. | Mother! |
Micca: Oh that’s okay. | What’s wrong you don’t like to eat? |
Micca: No, we ate earlier. | Yeah, what did you eat? (Looking at Mary) |
Micca: We’ll Zane was aimlessly wandering the streets one night and — | Typical. |
Micca: Pelham Avenue. Near the old library. | You mean the old library before it was destroyed by a zombie attack. |
Micca: That’s not true. Where’d you hear that? | I have my sources. |
Laura: Don’t they father, seem very happy? | Who knows! |
Micca: We know. | Who knows! Who knows what happens in his head. Nothing! Only lust for flesh. |
Laura: Please dear. Micca: We're in love! | He's a monster! |
Laura: Oh, good. That's good. See that, Father? He celebrates Flag Day. | Who cares about stupid Flag Day?! You and your holidays. He eats brains and craves human flesh, okay? You're going to let our daughter marry a zombie because he celebrates Flag Day. |
Micca: He's no different than us. | I won't allow it. |
Mary: We'd really like your permission, Mr.--uh--Mr. Father. | Over my dead body! But I'm sure that's exactly how you'd prefer it. |
Mary: I love your daughter, sir. And nothing you say is going to change that. | Oh no? |
Micca: ... No one will think anything of it. The undead and the living will live in harmony. | Gobbledegook! |
Laura: Really? Did you hear that, Father. He celebrates lots of holidays. | Who cares. |
Laura: You know, when your father and I first met, he was a zombie. | I was not. |
Kaci: Seriously? | She's exaggerating. |
Laura: Well your father did. Isn't that, right dear? | (moans, just keeps moaning until next Micca line becoming more trancelike) |
Micca: So, I guess we have your approval, then Father? | (moans and says something inaudible) |
Laura: What was that, dear? | (barely manages) I'm sorry. (hugs Laura) |
Kindness is contagious... | walk aimlessly until Mary returns Blue's arm then gives it to myself and Laura, begging children. then eats the arm ferociously |
Blue: He said all the world's a stage, | And all the men and women merely players; |
Kaci: And one man in his time plays many parts, | His acts being seven ages. |
Blue: Let us elaborate. | Each age represents a new act in a person's life. Shakespeare's seven ages: |
Micca: First age: The puking Infant. | One. |
Kaci: Second age: the whining Schoolboy. | Two. |
6: Third age: the woeful Lover. | Three. |
Mary: Fourth age: the combative Soldier. | Four. |
Nina: Fifth age: the wise Justice. | Five. |
Laura: Sixth age: the bespectacled Pantaloon. | Six. |
Blue: And the seventh age: the second Child. | Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything. Seven. |
Blue: There's the afterlife. | No matter what you believe. |
Nina: Dust to dust. | The undead. Eight. Us. |