FMSC 230
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Direct experience | Different for each person
Problems with memory, changed meanings
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Reliable source |
Tradition
Authorite
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Research |
Theory-driven, compares data collected to data expected
Predicting probability of an outcome
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Purpose |
Explore, describe, and explain phenomena around us
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Quantitative |
Measuring objective experiences
Analysis with numbers, statistics
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Qualitative |
Exploring subjective experiences
Describe patterns, theme
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Survey Research- Strength | -Large representative samples
Reliable instruments
Generalizable result
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Survey Research- Weaknesses |
Instruments can be inflexible, missing data issues
May measure constructs artificiall
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Survey Research- Example |
Self-administered (mailed, group data collection)
Interviewed (in person, telephone
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Observation Research- Strength |
Large quantities of detailed field notes
In-depth look at a particular sample or phenomenon
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Observation Research- Weaknesses |
May not be generalizable to population
Researcher must be mindful of self/biases/value
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Observation Research- Example |
Ethnography
Focus Groups
Interview
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Experimental Research- Strength |
“Standard” in the scientific field
Results can be replicated with different subjects
Isolate the influence of the experimental variable
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Experimental Research- Weaknesses |
Artificial laboratory settings may produce behaviors different
than in natural settings
Ethics of the control group
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Clinical Research-Strength |
For a specific population: those experiencing clinical levels of
distress
Assess interventions, therapies, conditions, disorders
Can use surveys, observations, experimental design
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Clinical Research-Weaknesses |
For a specific population: those experiencing clinical levels of
distress
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Clinical Research-Example |
Couples Abuse Prevention Program (CAPP) at the Center for
Healthy Families
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Research on couples informs |
Local, state, and federal policy
Community programming
Clinical practice and therapy
General knowledge to improve relationship
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Erroneous conclusion |
Ecological Fallacy: saying something (wrong)
about an individual based on group observation
Reductionism: saying something (wrong) about a group based
on individual observatio
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Statistics ≠ fact |
Easily manipulated by beliefs and agendas
Important to consider the source of the statistic
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Romantic Love: | emotionally intense, passionate
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Companionate Love | calmer, intimacy, affection, commitmen
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Friendship Love | : attachment, sharing company and
experience
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Attachment Theory (Bowlby, Ainsworth) | Our primary motivation in life is to be connected and close to
others, to feel secur
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Wheel Theory: Four Stages of Love (Reiss) |
Love is developed by
moving through four
stages
As long as wheel rolls
forward, love grows
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Triangular Theory (Sternberg) |
Intimacy: warmth, bonding, trust, emotional support
Passion: romance, physical attraction, sexual fulfillment
Decision/Commitment: conscious or unconscious choice to be
in a relationship with someone
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Six Types of Love (Lee) |
Eros: love of beauty, intense emotional attachment, powerful
sexual feelings
Mania: obsessive love, extreme jealousy, fluctuating between
ecstasy and despair
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Six Types of Love (Lee) |
Ludus: casual love, sex as recreation, many partners
Storge: companionate love, begins in friendship and deepens
over time, domestic
Agape: altruistic love, unselfish and self-sacrificing
Pragma: practical love, rational, reasonable negotia
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Courtship Systems- Close |
No courtship occurs, partners do not participate in choice of
union
Blind marriage
Arranged marriage
Forced marriage
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Courtship Systems-Open |
Courtship occurs, partners choose to enter an exit unions
Relationship market: prospective partners compare personal,
social, and financial resources of eligible mates and then
bargain for the best
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What is Dating? | Dating is the process of meeting people socially for
the purpose of possibly forming an exclusive longterm relationship
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What is Dating- Function |
Recreation: we’re having fun!
Companionship: when I’m with you, I’m not alone
Intimacy and Sex: I’m seeking connection with you
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What is Dating- Function |
Mate Selection: can I spend the rest of my life with you?
Socialization: you’re different than my guy/girl friends
Status achievement: now I’m cool/attractive/worthy because
someone is willing to date me
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Filter Theory: three type |
Propinquity: people who are nearby
Endogamy: people of the same social group
Exogamy: people of a different family group
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Other filtering variable |
Age
Ethnicity
Social Class
Religion
Physical attraction
Education
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Stimulus-Value-Role Theory (Murstein) |
Stage 1: a stimulus (physical attraction/an event) brings two
people together
Stage 2: compare values to determine compatibility (political
views, opinions about infidelity)
Stage 3: negotiate roles and test them through experience
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Stimulus-Value-Role Theory (Murstein) |
Potential partners are filtered out at each of these stages, or
the relationship continue
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Alternative to Filtering Model (Surra and Hughes)- Relationship-Driven Couple | Grow in commitment to each other as you sort out mutual
preferences, values, goals, etc.
Similar to filtering theory
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Alternative to Filtering Model (Surra and Hughes)- Event-Driven Couple |
Swing back and forth between commitment and ambivalence
Cycle of fights, separation, debate the relationship with friends,
come back together, fight again
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Pairing Up- Personal Introduction |
Shared activity or group
Blind dates
Speed Dating
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Pairing Up- Classified Ads |
Perhaps obsolete, but still used
Gender Roles: men seek attractive women, women seek successful
me
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Pairing Up- Meeting Online |
Social networking
Meet Up site
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Online Dating Websites- Dedicated to meeting partner |
Provides a catalyst for meeting
Pairs you with someone you don’t know
Algorithms
Personal Searching
Ultimately for the development of a relationship offline
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Online Dating Websites- Advantage |
“cast a greater net”, minimal initial investment, easy to form
and dissolve
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Online Dating Websites- Disadvantage |
Possibility of deceit, commitment concerns, frustration
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Traditional Courtship- Boy asks girl on a date, then another and another |
They are attracted to each other and share common
interests/goals
May or may not be dating other people
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Traditional Courtship- “Going steady” or “Official” or “In a relationship on Facebook |
Exclusive, experience conflicts and stay together, deepening
intimacy and love
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Traditional Courtship- Get engaged | Decide to spend their lives together
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Breaking Up- Neglect Response |
Avoidant, let the relationship wither away
Passive, more typical of men
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Breaking Up- Exit Response |
Firmly withdrawing from the relationship
Active, can be early (dating) or late (divorce)
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Breaking Up- Loyalty Response |
Choosing to stay with no attempt to resolve problems
Passive, more typical of female
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Breaking Up- Voice Response |
Invested in the relationship but willing to change behavior
Active, constructively talking and seeking compromise
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Why Marry?- Enduring Reason |
Emotional security
Companionship
Desire to be parent
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Why Marry?- Shorter-lived Reason |
Physical attraction/economic security
Pressure from parents, peers, or pregnancy
Escape, rebellion, rebound, rescue
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Why Marry? | Social, economic, political norm
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How do we know if we‟re ready?- Ideally |
Emotionally prepared
Mature in values and expectations
Relationship is stable, safe, and secure
Economic security and awareness
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How do we know if we‟re ready?- Beware |
Keeping up with other couples
The wedding fantasy
The baby fantasy
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During the engagement- Planning a wedding | Planning a wedding
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During the engagement- Premarital Counseling |
While preparing for the wedding, prepare for the marriage
Examine the strengths and challenges, expand relationship
skills to work through difficult issues
Communication and problem solving
Family and friends‟ impact on the relationship
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The legal commitment- Standard marriage license |
Social security numbers, fee, and “no, we‟re not blood related
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The legal commitment- Covenant Marriage Contract |
Anti-divorce commitment signed by couples
Premarital counseling, marital counseling for future challenges,
minimum 2 year separation before divorce (or prove abuse
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The legal commitment- Prenuptial Agreement |
Contract that specifies in advance division of property and
childcare in the event of divorce
“Long-term consequences of a short-term marriage”
Expiration clause
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Types of Marriage Relationships- 5 Types of Enduring Marriages (Cuber & Harroff) |
400 upper-middle class couples, aged 35-55
Enduring, not necessarily happy
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Types of Marriage Relationships- Utilitarian: based on convenience |
Conflict-habituated: ongoing tension and unresolved conflict
Devitalized: faded emotional connection, duty to stay
Passive-congenial: low emotional connection, high activity
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Types of Marriage Relationships- Intrinsic: fundamentally rewarding |
Vital: high emotional connection, shared activities
Total: high emotional connection, mutually dependent
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4 Types of “Good Marriages” (Wallerstein & Blakeslee) |
50 northern CA couples, white, well-educated, middle-class
Each “good marriage” has elements of an “antimarriage
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4 Types of “Good Marriages” (Wallerstein & Blakeslee)- Romantic: passion, romance, “happily ever after |
Neglect other relationships, hard to keep “the fire burning
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4 Types of “Good Marriages” (Wallerstein & Blakeslee)- Rescue: comfort for past suffering, healing | Opening of past wounds, repeated pattern
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4 Types of “Good Marriages” (Wallerstein & Blakeslee)- Companionate: equality, friendship, teamwork | Become roommates, lack passion
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4 Types of “Good Marriages” (Wallerstein & Blakeslee)- Traditional: breadwinner/homemake |
Lose self in the role, only common thread is the children
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Commitmen |
Determined to thrive despite hardship
Resistance to infidelity
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Acceptance & Caring |
Genuine friendship and respect
Emotionally supportive and understanding
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Flexibility |
Adjustments made on a foundation of mutual values and goals
Problem-solving and compromise
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Marriage in Low-Income Families | Lack of confidence in finding a “marriageable mate”.Believe having enough income to purchase the„props‟ of a respectable lifestyle is a crucial prerequisite for marriage.Financial resources to host a „proper‟ wedding.
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Marriage in Middle-Income Families |
The State of our Unions
Rutgers University annual study of marriage
“In middle America, marriage is in trouble”
Martial quality is declining for
the moderately educated middle
but not for their highly educated
peer
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Life Cycle of a Marriage | Very enjoyable, negotiating roles and identities.Children.Satisfaction is reduced, stress of new responsibilities.Satisfaction increases, getting to know each other again.Very enjoyable, retirement and grandchildren.Men start and end higher than women.
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But maybe marriage isn‟t for me… |
Number of single persons is growing across all
income levels
Some argue marriage is an „outdated institution‟
Discrimination against singles
Work policies
Tax codes
Cost of living
Quote from “The Family Crucible
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Protective against physical and mental health problem | Non-married persons have higher risk of death from cardiovascularor cancer-related causes than married persons.Women who never marry have higher risk for developing diabetes.Men who never marry have higher risk of dying younger.low suicide
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Quality of the marital relationship matter | High marital quality was related with lower blood pressure,less depression,and greater satisfaction with life.Single individuals have lower blood pressure than which suggests that single individuals are healthier than unhappily married individuals
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Children who live with married parent | National Longitudinal Survey of Youth: children in both single-parent or divorced-parent families have higher levels of behavioral problems and lower cognitive test scores than children in two-parent families.
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Moral, spiritual, and intrinsic benefits of marriage |
Longstanding tradition of marriage as the fundamental
building block of a family
Insistence that the two-parent male-female family is the one
best suited to raise moral, productive, and healthy children
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Marriage is a dynamic institution |
Changes in meaning over time
Multiple meanings (legal, political, religious, practical
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Marriage is value-lade |
Address the controversy of promoting the traditional marriage
relationship amid American values of autonomy and privacy
Address discrimination against same-sex couples and ethnic and
economic minorities
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From getting married to staying married |
Promote healthy relationships versus marriage licenses
Wide spread health insurance coverage for couple and family therapy
Non-partisan clearinghouse of resources
Non-partisan evaluation of current programs, policies, initiatives
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